it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
