i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
