So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
