I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
