oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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