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• (217): View more from Illinois

  The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.

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• (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  And an everlasting friendship

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  DICK-CITY HERE WE COME

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  You like pics of my balls that much?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am at the store looking at frames as we text...

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.

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