The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
