My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
