i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
