YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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