my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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