im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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