actually, I'm a sock model
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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