I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How naked do you want me to be?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
