Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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