the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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