This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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