I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
