We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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