Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
