I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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