Just fell off a train. Bad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
