Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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