Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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