I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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