If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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