Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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