I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
