anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
