u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
