I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
