i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
