I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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