I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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