I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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