Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
