Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
