His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize