How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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