Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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