i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
