I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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