You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
