im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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