Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
