my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
