i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize