So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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