My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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