I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The power of my boobs compel you
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