I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
