You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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