if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
