we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
