I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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