first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
