Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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