i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
