You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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