wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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