K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
