she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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