watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My life is pants optional.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
