Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
