Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
