nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
