You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
